Time has really flown as I have worked in Cambodia for 2 years and nine months.  The 3 month home assignment brings several kinds of struggle in my heart.  On one hand, I am very happy to meet my church members, family members and friends again that I have not seen for a long time; however, I am reluctant to leave Cambodia where I have settled down for the last 33 months.

Before my home assignment, there was an American team that came to help in our VBS program at Phnom Penh Thmei, and I was responsible as an advisor there. In addition, I needed to pack up all my stuff because I terminated the rental contract with my landlord. Another thing bothering me at that time was the uncertainty about where I would stay in Hong Kong.  I teased myself that it was a HOMELESS and HELPLESS Assignment because I had no time or ideas to prepare for my home assignment.  Two years ago when I had my vacation back in Hong Kong, it was just a short stay and it was easier to find the ‘shelter.' This time I needed to stay 3 months and resume my previous Hong Kong working pace instead of that in Cambodia.  Furthermore, I worried a bit that my study of the Khmer language would be adversely affected (i.e. I would forget it all). Anyway, the day has come.

Rev. Polly Ho was a wonderful ‘boss' because she found a place for me, and picked me up at the airport in the evening with Miu Ling, who would be leaving for Cambodia after having been in Hong Kong for medical treatment for 2 months.  When I got into the car, I tried to jump into the driver's seat because it was opposite to that in Cambodia.  Then I unconsciously spoke in Khmer when I entered into a restaurant to ask for a table. In addition, I needed to remember the bus routes to and from my new dwelling place.  I also needed to shift my money sense from US dollars or Cambodian Riels to Hong Kong dollars, which is causing me difficulty in estimating my expenses in reference to my budget.  I understand that this is what is called reverse culture shock.  Those minor things make me feel like a dummy.  For sure, I can foresee that it will happen again when I get back to Cambodia after my home assignment.

Last but not least, I discovered that I have some confusion about my identity as to where I belong.  I am definitely sure that I could never be a Cambodian no matter how hard I try to ‘melt' into their culture.  On the other side, I no longer have a strong sense of belonging in Hong Kong because I cannot catch up with the changes and I will leave again as a traveler.  I even understand why many missionaries would rather stay in their host country rather than going back to their homeland when they retire.  I can experience the resistance to change, especially in a cultural sense.  I start to admire what the Apostle Paul claimed, ‘When I am with the Jews, I live like a Jew to win Jews. They are ruled by the Law of Moses, and I am not. But I live by the Law to win them. And when I am with people who are not ruled by the Law, I forget about the Law to win them.  Of course, I never really forget about the law of God.  In fact, I am ruled by the law of Christ' (I Corinthians 9:20-21). 

There's still a long way to go. May God grant me the certainty that  wherever I am, I belong to Him.