A new perspective on Missions

Although I had attended church for many years, "missions" seemed distant to me. The missions described from the pulpit was mostly just the teaching of the Great Commission with rarely any living testimonies. Perhaps it was just my own weakness that always made missions such a distant thing to me. I had never joined a short term missions team because I was afraid that the tightly scheduled trip would give me indigestion. Then in 1999 when I entered seminary, I had the chance to hear sharing from various missionaries in a missions prayer meeting. Their blood and tears experiences seemed to come alive before my eyes. The deepest impression on me was a missionary serving Jewish people who had been on the field for many years without a single person trusting in Jesus. In my heart I couldn't keep from asking, "What is it that makes her able to carry on?" Her spirit of serving in obedient submission without comparing results really gained my respect. Naturally, this also gave me a different viewpoint to know better the God who sends people out.

God Prepares the Road

During the summer vacation in 2000, there were two of the graduates who signed up for one year missionary internships. (One of them was Rebecca Chung, whom you all know.) Before they went to their fields, the missions professor invited interested students to pray for them. Afterwards a special weekly prayer meeting was started to pray for alumni who are missionaries. Two years in the seminary's prayer meeting opened my eyes to see how God is doing His wondrous works in many different corners of the world, and let me understand better that the road a missionary must travel is truly not an easy road. At the same time, the prayer time helped me wait on God's call to settle the direction of my Christian service.

As soon as I started praying for direction in my ministry after graduation, God reminded me again and again during prayer that I would be traveling the road He had already prepared for me, and not the road that seems good to men. He fully understands my weaknesses. I need other people's affirmation and approval. I am most easily swayed by external needs. So, I disciplined myself to keep my thoughts hidden in my heart and did not let anyone know that I was looking for a mission field. I just prayed to God to prepare a place for me. At the same time I was also open to wait for other possibilities (because I was trembling inside, afraid that this was my own whim). Then, as I was in the midst of being buffeted around, I saw that God had opened a way for me, so that I could go to Cambodia and experience missionary life.

Traveling an Unknown Road

It wasn't too difficult to decide to get a year's missions experience in Cambodia after graduation, because it would be over in just one short year! However, this one year would settle my future direction. God's call on me is to serve those with spiritual heart needs, especially those living in suffering and neglect. Coming to Cambodia was God's call. I clearly realize that I can do nothing in my own strength, especially learning a completely new language. This is unimaginable for me. But, if I want to understand the inner heart world of the Cambodian people, I have to put my heart into learning so that I can understand them - not just their external actions, but also their thoughts and feelings. Even so, during this time all I can say is "Lord, if you are willing, I will continue to study and stay here to serve."

Cultural shocks

After being in Cambodia for over a month, I haven't gotten any greater burden for Cambodia, but I am truly seeing what culture shock is about. Living in a different culture, the difficult adaptation for me is the exhaustion. Being here is like I am missing mouth, ears and eyes. Language is my greatest obstacle to communicating with local people. Not being able to speak is just like being a mute person, and not understanding mean always stupidly not knowing what people are talking about. These are not good feelings! Moreover, except for the motorcycle taxis here, there really isn't any public transportation for getting around conveniently. Although I am starting to get used to riding sidesaddle on the motorcycles like the local women, I can't really speak Khmer (Cambodian language). So, I still can't just think of some place and then get there. In comparison with the convenience of living in Hong Kong, it is totally different.

Besides not speaking Khmer, it is difficult to always have to use English to communicate with people. From start to finish it's difficult to use your second language to express the words from your heart. Speaking for myself, a lot of little lifestyle things are the primary reason for causing my emotional difficulties. To talk about them, they are just a lot of little things, but still, all these little things added together can cause a great deal of dissatisfaction and even bitterness. I thank God that there is enough free time here for me to very quickly confront my own emotions. On the other hand, when I was in Hong Kong with the busy demands of work, this was an unusual luxury. Also, God has given me coworkers who listen to me and are willing to help me, which lets me taste the preciousness of being served.

God give me the endurance to carry on...

I watched a group of church young people playing in a soccer competition here. I saw them go all out on the field, unconcerned about the dirty and slippery mud, putting all their energy into competing. In my heart I was totally grateful for them. When they run for the Lord, may they also be totally committed like this! In the same way, may God give me the endurance to carry on in the midst of difficulties!