Sharing my feelings - A new missionary seeking her identity

In my last prayer letter, I mentioned that the Phnom Penh mission house's Thai neighbors, on the same day that I was going to Hong Kong, were being evacuated back to their home country from the military airport. Five days later, after the situation had settled down, they came back to their jobs in Cambodia. After getting back, I have not had an opportunity to talk with them because I am only coming out to Phnom Penh one day a week now, and none of us have really had any free time to stand at the gate and chat. I really admire those business people. They seize the moment and press forward. None of the dangers or problems bother them. Despite seeing the burned-out Thai embassy and several Thai-owned businesses, they came back without any hesitation.

I keep thinking, what is the difference between missionaries and other overseas employees? Why do missionaries get so much support, both materially and emotionally, but the rate of missionary "casualties" (early return from the field) is so high? What is the reason that we become so fragile? Below are some of the possibilities I have thought of:

1. Overseas workers are clear about their own goal ahead of time, how much their salary is. They just need to complete their assigned tasks and their boss won't ask about anything else. On the other hand, missionaries have a large amount of freedom, but they must be flexible as the time and place require.
2. The mission is like a cross-cultural enterprise, but the investment is really without calculating return on capital, because they have no goal outside of serving those they came to serve. We want to gain people, and consider people as the most important, basic thing. I remember during my internship year, the boss of a road construction company asked this kind of question, "Do you have goals, such as how many converts to your religion there will be within five years?" I answered him straightforwardly that the mission hoped that within 10 years the churches in Cambodia would be financially self-supporting. But then I added a very practical word, "However no one knows how things will turn out, because those who have received a faith have the right at any time to choose whether or not to continue believing." I hoped that he would understand that the church's mission work could not be measured by results and members alone, just like their completion of a two year construction contract could not repay their investment yet, but they would need to have the second and third contract before making a profit. Wouldn't the Lord who sends us out have an even longer view ahead than theirs?
3. Those who do business use people's abilities to achieve their goals, one of which is to make money. However, missions uses all our resources to make men and women of God. Our product is new life (not just for the Cambodian people, but also for the missionaries themselves)! For this very reason, even God Himself also had to risk the danger of rejection and come into the world. This is the preciousness of life - there is the freedom of choice.
4. Exactly because you take part in working together to build lives of mutual dependence, you will be hurt, and you will also hurt others. This is the challenge of missions, and is probably the major cause of missionary casualties.

Thanksgiving: Living and traveling

This month there was a big change. The Lord prepared a place for me to live in Takhmau, along the Bassac River. I am completely satisfied with my apartment. The landlord is a doctor. I feel that he is even more like a caring father. He loves to discuss and solve problems, and always tells me to talk with him if I have any problems. He lives downstairs and runs a clinic there. On the second floor is a Singaporean missionary. My place is the third floor. Thank the Lord for providing this place for me to live. Each day when I go in and out, if he is free, my landlord will look to see if I have enough room to drive out or to park the truck, and will ask me if I need anything. These are answers to my prayers - to live where there is a landlord around to watch everything 24 hours a day, without my having to be concerned about security; to have a place to park the truck; a rent within the mission budget; a clean place with a shower (several months into the dry season there is dust flying everywhere and a shortage of water - without a shower of some kind, I can't get my hair really clean. Before I preferred to wait until I went to Phnom Penh to wash my hair).

With Rev. Joel Margin's knowledgeable help in choosing, God has prepared a vehicle that meets my heart's desire - a 2400 cc diesel-engined Nissan pickup truck with an automatic transmission. The diesel engine will save a third in fuel expense. I really need this kind of vehicle to transport people and cargo. You can never imagine cramming over 10 young people into that little pickup bed. Today we did just that as I drove us to the airport to see off Rev. Paula Guazon. With a certain amount of trembling, I drove VERY carefully. They all know about my previous accident. I asked them to pray before we started, which they naturally did with unwonted seriousness. Thank the Lord for a safe round trip!

This is really God's provision at the right time. Right now, the road work on the road to Kaoh Ksachtunlea has progressed to the stage where there is a lot of dry sand piled on the road, which can easily cause bicycles and motorcycles to slip and fall. Driving a small truck is safer, and I don't have to be afraid of the mud and dust. However, I do need to be extra careful and patient with people walking and those riding motorcycles and bicycles.