At first, what bothered me was a coworker who borrowed my things. Things taken were never put back. Even though I am not a strictly ordered person by nature, still I do my best not to borrow other people's things and to always return things that are borrowed as soon as possible. There are probably several reasons for that, but I see that one is an attitude of not having any debts between people. I don't want to owe anyone, and I even less want them to owe me.

There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with this, but this actually is vastly different from the scriptures I've read in my recent devotional times.

When I ask the Father to forgive my debts, as I forgive other's debts, that shows that I cannot be totally independent of others, not needing others to give me any physical, psychological or spiritual help. This actually is a form of pride: refusing to acknowledge my own limitations and weaknesses -- I need other people. It is God who has put all these people alongside me, to help me be able to keep on living.

As a missionary who works among poor people (and who questions myself if I have an attitude of serving), and controls some resources, I find that every time a local person comes to speak with me, I always go on full alert because I am thinking in my heart, "What do they want from me this time?!" My thoughts are turning round and round searching for a reason not to give any assistance. And, in these circumstances I am very wound up each time, like I am facing an enemy.

Then, I tell myself to lighten up a little and listen clearly to what is being said first, before calculating . . .

After that, I start to think about how the resources presently on hand could be used to help them . . .

In this way, I am slowly being changed. But, I need other people to help with this way of thinking, that it will come into my brain less often. My way of thinking clearly is: "Other people need me. I don't need them."

Right on to this day, "Always care for one another," "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors," "Bear one another's burdens," and similar verses keep coming up. Probably it is time for me to turn around -- turn around from feeling self sufficient because of having no lack for food, clothing and shelter, and even more from having ample finances and being able to hire servants.

This picture is of me with two single mothers and the son of the one in the middle. They are my household helper and personal and ministry assistant.

In the Lord, 
Rebecca Chung, 
10 September, 2004